Hi there
The three worst jobs in London:
1. Baggage handler at T5
2. Olympic Torch Carrier
3. Rehearsing The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman at the Arts Theatre
- there seems to be so many people trying to stick their oar in…
I had no idea it would be like this. Anyway, we’re getting there, but it’s meant that there’s been a delay in trying to keep this website upto date… Today, I finally got to upload all the video blogs I haven’t had a chance to do for the last two weeks or so. There are more blogs on the way, but it might be a little sporadic from now on.
Hope you’re all fine and dandy
Love Lenny x
Some bloke off Catherine Tate
And today I woke up really scared. I don’t want to do it. I don’t know what I’m doing or how to start… What will I do with my hands when I’m not playing the guitar? The singing bits would be fine, but the story parts in between are making me feel sick just thinking about them. Matthew says there’s this guy he knows - an actor who’d like to have a look at the script. [What script?]. Apparently he’s not working at the moment. I can’t remember the name he said - Richard Lundon, or something like that. He’s been in the Catherine Tate Show recently, apparently. But I don’t even know if the guy can sing, let alone play any instruments. Matthew says he could mime along to the music, while I am playing it just offstage…
It certainly wouldn’t be quite so terrifying, but I feel that I’ve come this far and that to bottle out now would be wrong.
I get the impression that Matthew would be much happier if I wasn’t doing it. But that was not the plan when they asked me in the first place…
This is a nightmare…
It certainly wouldn’t be quite so terrifying, but I feel that I’ve come this far and that to bottle out now would be wrong.
I get the impression that Matthew would be much happier if I wasn’t doing it. But that was not the plan when they asked me in the first place…
This is a nightmare…
Small world
The designer is another guy called Simon. He’s made a beautiful model of the set, like a whole miniature world… It’s magic to look at.
I’m starting to get an idea of what I’ve let myself in for. It’s both awesome, and terrifying. And I have to admit that I’m quite excited about the whole thing. Can’t believe it’s going to happen.
I’m starting to get an idea of what I’ve let myself in for. It’s both awesome, and terrifying. And I have to admit that I’m quite excited about the whole thing. Can’t believe it’s going to happen.
Celebrity Endorsements
He hates it. And he wants to get ‘celebs’ involved by getting them to talk to a camera about what they like about my music, to help promote the show. No-one’s going to believe that. Everyone knows that he will have just had to pay them an awful lot of money to say anything he wants them to say. If the price is right, you can get a celeb to say anything you like. I loathe the whole celebrity culture thing that society is obsessed with nowadays. Although, if I’m honest that’s probably because I’m not part of it.
Millionaires’ Day is going to be in there. First proper song I wrote when I first met Natalie. Can’t believe I wrote it so many years ago. When did it all start to go past so quickly…?
Millionaires’ Day is going to be in there. First proper song I wrote when I first met Natalie. Can’t believe I wrote it so many years ago. When did it all start to go past so quickly…?
Bad directions
The Arts Theatre has put me in touch with a guy called Matthew - who is going to be helping ‘directing’ the show. I have no problem with that, a bit of help would be very useful - but I’m just not sure about him. He kept shaking his head when I was telling him my ideas for the story. I don’t think he liked the idea for the ending - in a Jacuzzi in a penthouse suite with the 3 naked girls who have been my girlfriends over the years. To be honest Carol didn’t seem very keen on that idea either. I tried to say it was supposed to be both an uplifting, happy ending aswell as being a surreal comment on how your memory is constantly kept alive with moments from the past - in this case the old loves of your life…
Matthew kept going on about keeping it truthful, which to be honest is a bit annoying because frankly who’s interested in watching the truth? The truthful story is I tried to sell my songs for years and it all turned to shit. People aren’t going to pay 18 quid a ticket for a night watching that. They want glamour. So that’s why I thought I could be singing a song with my guitar on the edge of the jaccuzzi, with the 3 girls in there, begging me to get in… I thank them for the wonderful times we had, and we slip into the water together and all slowly submerge - then we suddenly leap up, out of the water laughing. The Jacuzzi doesn’t have to go up into the roof. I can see how that night me a bit ridiculous [and expensive]. But it would be surprising, funny and hopefully moving. At the end Lenny could say, “This one’s for all you dreamers out there…” That could be a very powerful the last line.
I’m not sure Matthew has the right sense of humour for The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman. I’ll try it on him again tomorrow.
Matthew kept going on about keeping it truthful, which to be honest is a bit annoying because frankly who’s interested in watching the truth? The truthful story is I tried to sell my songs for years and it all turned to shit. People aren’t going to pay 18 quid a ticket for a night watching that. They want glamour. So that’s why I thought I could be singing a song with my guitar on the edge of the jaccuzzi, with the 3 girls in there, begging me to get in… I thank them for the wonderful times we had, and we slip into the water together and all slowly submerge - then we suddenly leap up, out of the water laughing. The Jacuzzi doesn’t have to go up into the roof. I can see how that night me a bit ridiculous [and expensive]. But it would be surprising, funny and hopefully moving. At the end Lenny could say, “This one’s for all you dreamers out there…” That could be a very powerful the last line.
I’m not sure Matthew has the right sense of humour for The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman. I’ll try it on him again tomorrow.
The plot thickens 2
I was recently given membership to the ICA by a friend. I’d never been before so I went to check it out. I should have been at home writing the story for the show but I couldn’t be arsed and I think I had writer’s block. So I was having a coffee and rather good slice of banana cake surrounded by lots of photographs of naked men… And suddenly the rest of the show just fell into place…
After the teenage years, and coming back to the festival, we see me, now in my 20s, trying to write songs. I get off with a girl one night after a gig [this will be exciting to do in the show - and I’ll have to think who I could ask to do it… although it’s probably best not to leave that for now if I want to get anything done today]. You’ll see me not getting jobs, being broke and writing songs for people’s weddings. And bumping into Natalie again at the wedding, just like we did in real life. I mean Brigitte of course… I’m going to have to watch that. Then we’ll have an interval. In the 2nd half I get a job as a jazz pianist - which is all true so far, then perhaps come back to the festival for another song before we go back to finding out what happened to me next - and this is the tricky bit - I don’t quite know how to end it. I’ll not worry about that just yet because I’m sure I’ll think of something… I have this idea that Lenny Smallman ends up with everything he has ever wanted - all his dreams come true, which is not what the audience will be expecting, and he is living in an amazing penthouse with all three girls he was in love with - Brigitte, Anja & Charlotte. He sings to the girls while they lounge in a Jacuzzi begging me to get in with them. I dedicate my last song to them all, and jump into the water. The Jacuzzi rises up high above the stage with the 4 of us in it…. The end.
It could be expensive but it should be both funny and ironic, and mean the audience go out on a high. I don’t want it to be a depressing show.
But in the meantime I’m going to look at who we can get to be the 3 girls in the show. This is fantastic. No wonder actors love themselves so much - you get to pretend to have sex with actresses all the time. Now who’s that girl on Eastenders…?
After the teenage years, and coming back to the festival, we see me, now in my 20s, trying to write songs. I get off with a girl one night after a gig [this will be exciting to do in the show - and I’ll have to think who I could ask to do it… although it’s probably best not to leave that for now if I want to get anything done today]. You’ll see me not getting jobs, being broke and writing songs for people’s weddings. And bumping into Natalie again at the wedding, just like we did in real life. I mean Brigitte of course… I’m going to have to watch that. Then we’ll have an interval. In the 2nd half I get a job as a jazz pianist - which is all true so far, then perhaps come back to the festival for another song before we go back to finding out what happened to me next - and this is the tricky bit - I don’t quite know how to end it. I’ll not worry about that just yet because I’m sure I’ll think of something… I have this idea that Lenny Smallman ends up with everything he has ever wanted - all his dreams come true, which is not what the audience will be expecting, and he is living in an amazing penthouse with all three girls he was in love with - Brigitte, Anja & Charlotte. He sings to the girls while they lounge in a Jacuzzi begging me to get in with them. I dedicate my last song to them all, and jump into the water. The Jacuzzi rises up high above the stage with the 4 of us in it…. The end.
It could be expensive but it should be both funny and ironic, and mean the audience go out on a high. I don’t want it to be a depressing show.
But in the meantime I’m going to look at who we can get to be the 3 girls in the show. This is fantastic. No wonder actors love themselves so much - you get to pretend to have sex with actresses all the time. Now who’s that girl on Eastenders…?
Shoot the piano player
Spent most of the day trying to fix a blockage in the sink. [I think Stanley has pushed something down there that he shouldn’t have…] Went to a building supplies in Archway to buy a plunger. It’s one of those places where being able to play music is clearly an utterly pointless skill. Every man in there is completely practical, with the ability to lift heavy things and measure accurately with a tape. I attempted to look as if I had a full understanding of how tiling works.
On a desert island, after a plane crash, the musician would be the second person to get eaten by the rest of the survivors. The actor would get killed first, being marginally less capable of doing anything useful than musicians, whilst being generally louder and more irritating.
Whilst wandering through the grouting section I realised why it is that builders have absolutely no need of musicians…
All of them can whistle.
On a desert island, after a plane crash, the musician would be the second person to get eaten by the rest of the survivors. The actor would get killed first, being marginally less capable of doing anything useful than musicians, whilst being generally louder and more irritating.
Whilst wandering through the grouting section I realised why it is that builders have absolutely no need of musicians…
All of them can whistle.
Untitled
It’s really late. I’m trying to write up today’s blog but I just can’t be arsed. I’m so tired. You’ll just have to watch the video footage. Sorry. Especially if you’re hard of hearing and are relying on these write-ups as subtitles.
Leave a comment if you really are hard of hearing and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…
I feel bad now. Basically, I was just saying that I’ve come up with a good catchy title for the show - “The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman… and The Spiders From Mars”. I could do the whole thing dressed as Bowie through the ages…
… Oh it’s just sounding stupid now. It was a fantastic idea when I came up with it this afternoon. Now see what you’ve made me do…
Leave a comment if you really are hard of hearing and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…
I feel bad now. Basically, I was just saying that I’ve come up with a good catchy title for the show - “The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman… and The Spiders From Mars”. I could do the whole thing dressed as Bowie through the ages…
… Oh it’s just sounding stupid now. It was a fantastic idea when I came up with it this afternoon. Now see what you’ve made me do…
The plot thickens
Wow! A sleepless night full of inspiration… I’ve worked out how to do the show: It’s going to be set at a music festival and I’ll come on, play a song and talk to the audience. Then the lights will change and we go back in time where you find a younger version of me [not sure yet how this bit will work] - and we see him as a teenager, writing his songs. I was remembering the time when I sent a song I’d written about Ziggy Stardust coming back to life to David Bowie… [which might be quite funny]. Then we see him at school meeting Natalie - sorry Brigitte… having a date - writing songs for the other girls I really fancied at the time… So we get an idea of what life was like for him as a boy. Then we come back to the festival for another song - so that when we go back he’s older in his 20s and moved down to London starting to play in bands and work as a songwriter. I don’t know what’s going to happen next so I’ll leave it there for now. I’m exhausted. That’s quite enough thinking for one day. I’ll try and write that up tonight into some form that makes sense to other people - and get on with the rest of the story tomorrow.
Sex, drugs and rock & roll
Set off early with my guitars this morning to another rehearsal session and I see what I can only describe as envy in a man’s eyes as he passes by in his business suit. I’m strolling nonchalently with my guitars to the tube, as he can only imagine my decadent life of sex, drugs and rock & roll…
The reality is of course that he is very happily earning his fortunes in an office while I struggle with mine. Also I was never into drugs and sex was always very complicated issue, messed up more often than not by falling for the ones who were willing to let you undress them. If I have any regrets about some of my younger days, it would be that I often confused nudity in a woman as a sign that she was in love with me. Never quite got the hang of that one.
The reality is of course that he is very happily earning his fortunes in an office while I struggle with mine. Also I was never into drugs and sex was always very complicated issue, messed up more often than not by falling for the ones who were willing to let you undress them. If I have any regrets about some of my younger days, it would be that I often confused nudity in a woman as a sign that she was in love with me. Never quite got the hang of that one.
Spirit of the Blitz
Took the tube over to Hammersmith to rehearse some new songs for the show, in a building not far from the restaurant where I used to play jazz piano for years. A few minutes after coming out of the tube, the station was closed for a short while for some terrorist alert, which turned out to be a false alarm. Simon - who is playing keyboards in the band I’ve put together for the show, arrives a few minutes after me in a really good mood because he’d ordered a take-away Latte from Costa Coffee inside the mall, and the guy had just finished serving him as the alarm went off and the place was evacuated. So he left the shopping centre delightedly clutching his coffee, as opposed to the two or three people behind him in the queue who had already paid for theirs but were forced to leave empty handed…
Hammersmith Shopping Mall can be a very depressing place at the best of times. Come friendly bombs…
Posted
Hammersmith Shopping Mall can be a very depressing place at the best of times. Come friendly bombs…
Posted
Honesty
I’ve been a bit coy about my personal life up to now and I’m not sure why. This is such a personal thing to be doing, and I keep forgetting people will be watching these, and I realise I’ve shied away from talking about my partner.
Why is that? I’m being honest here. I don’t think it’s because I’d like to make myself attractive to other women out there, or that I’m even hoping to get a bit of virtual sex on the side… I tried it once with a girl I met in a chat room but it wasn’t for me - it just felt weird. I didn’t want her to think I was illiterate, so I refused to abbreviate the words the way everyone else was doing, and preferred to type them out in full instead, so it took me 15 minutes just to take her shirt off…
Why have I not talked about them before - my personal relationships I mean? These people who mean the world to me?
Maybe I am being a little sly and hedging my bets after all? So I better come clean with you now. My real name is Lenny Smallman and I’ve been with Carol for 7 years. We’re not married. We don’t want to be married - I like thinking of her as my girlfriend. It feels more like a choice, rather than something we are forced to make work. We’ve got one boy called Stanley who is now 6. He arrived on the scene very quickly… We’d only been together one month when he was conceived. It was something of a shock, but I can’t imagine how it would work any other way. How would you make a decision like that? We needed to be helped into it, and I’m very happy we were.
Neither of them want to be involved with these blogs. I’ve asked them to stick their head around the door once in a while, but they really don’t want to - which is fine. So there you go. I’ve come clean with you all.
So therefore if you’re single and you’re looking for a virtual relationship with a man who takes his time over the sentences, you can contact me through the website…
That’s a joke obviously.
[But do get in touch though…]
Posted in Blo
Why is that? I’m being honest here. I don’t think it’s because I’d like to make myself attractive to other women out there, or that I’m even hoping to get a bit of virtual sex on the side… I tried it once with a girl I met in a chat room but it wasn’t for me - it just felt weird. I didn’t want her to think I was illiterate, so I refused to abbreviate the words the way everyone else was doing, and preferred to type them out in full instead, so it took me 15 minutes just to take her shirt off…
Why have I not talked about them before - my personal relationships I mean? These people who mean the world to me?
Maybe I am being a little sly and hedging my bets after all? So I better come clean with you now. My real name is Lenny Smallman and I’ve been with Carol for 7 years. We’re not married. We don’t want to be married - I like thinking of her as my girlfriend. It feels more like a choice, rather than something we are forced to make work. We’ve got one boy called Stanley who is now 6. He arrived on the scene very quickly… We’d only been together one month when he was conceived. It was something of a shock, but I can’t imagine how it would work any other way. How would you make a decision like that? We needed to be helped into it, and I’m very happy we were.
Neither of them want to be involved with these blogs. I’ve asked them to stick their head around the door once in a while, but they really don’t want to - which is fine. So there you go. I’ve come clean with you all.
So therefore if you’re single and you’re looking for a virtual relationship with a man who takes his time over the sentences, you can contact me through the website…
That’s a joke obviously.
[But do get in touch though…]
Posted in Blo
Hello Brigitte
Went into town today to have a look at the Arts Theatre. The main stage is pretty big. Quite scary actually. This idea for the show - instead of doing it as a gig I could do it as a kind of music festival and get bands to come on to play… which means I don’t have to do it all myself.
Had a phone call from a serious ex-lover of mine today, completely out of the blue. She just wanted to see how I was doing, which is weird… I started to tell her about the show I’m trying to come up with, based on my music, and I managed to stop myself just in time before telling her how she was going to be a part if it. Because I think I know what to do now - I think it could be the story of our relationship… There’s a lot of stuff we went through, how me met at school, and I always thought she would be the one, but she wasn’t, but not until I had exhausted every possibility of trying to make it happen. Then when she got married it all became a little complicated… Obviously this is going to be difficult to do on stage without getting her into some trouble with her husband… So I then spent two hours trying to think of another name I could call her instead of Natalie to protect her anonymity. It took a while - but I got there and from now on, as far as the show is concerned she’s going to be called Brigitte…
Always quite fancied the name Brigitte - very French. So that’s something. Got her name sorted at least. Just the rest of the show to work on now…
Had a phone call from a serious ex-lover of mine today, completely out of the blue. She just wanted to see how I was doing, which is weird… I started to tell her about the show I’m trying to come up with, based on my music, and I managed to stop myself just in time before telling her how she was going to be a part if it. Because I think I know what to do now - I think it could be the story of our relationship… There’s a lot of stuff we went through, how me met at school, and I always thought she would be the one, but she wasn’t, but not until I had exhausted every possibility of trying to make it happen. Then when she got married it all became a little complicated… Obviously this is going to be difficult to do on stage without getting her into some trouble with her husband… So I then spent two hours trying to think of another name I could call her instead of Natalie to protect her anonymity. It took a while - but I got there and from now on, as far as the show is concerned she’s going to be called Brigitte…
Always quite fancied the name Brigitte - very French. So that’s something. Got her name sorted at least. Just the rest of the show to work on now…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)