Hi there
The three worst jobs in London:
1. Baggage handler at T5
2. Olympic Torch Carrier
3. Rehearsing The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman at the Arts Theatre
- there seems to be so many people trying to stick their oar in…
I had no idea it would be like this. Anyway, we’re getting there, but it’s meant that there’s been a delay in trying to keep this website upto date… Today, I finally got to upload all the video blogs I haven’t had a chance to do for the last two weeks or so. There are more blogs on the way, but it might be a little sporadic from now on.
Hope you’re all fine and dandy
Love Lenny x
Some bloke off Catherine Tate
And today I woke up really scared. I don’t want to do it. I don’t know what I’m doing or how to start… What will I do with my hands when I’m not playing the guitar? The singing bits would be fine, but the story parts in between are making me feel sick just thinking about them. Matthew says there’s this guy he knows - an actor who’d like to have a look at the script. [What script?]. Apparently he’s not working at the moment. I can’t remember the name he said - Richard Lundon, or something like that. He’s been in the Catherine Tate Show recently, apparently. But I don’t even know if the guy can sing, let alone play any instruments. Matthew says he could mime along to the music, while I am playing it just offstage…
It certainly wouldn’t be quite so terrifying, but I feel that I’ve come this far and that to bottle out now would be wrong.
I get the impression that Matthew would be much happier if I wasn’t doing it. But that was not the plan when they asked me in the first place…
This is a nightmare…
It certainly wouldn’t be quite so terrifying, but I feel that I’ve come this far and that to bottle out now would be wrong.
I get the impression that Matthew would be much happier if I wasn’t doing it. But that was not the plan when they asked me in the first place…
This is a nightmare…
Small world
The designer is another guy called Simon. He’s made a beautiful model of the set, like a whole miniature world… It’s magic to look at.
I’m starting to get an idea of what I’ve let myself in for. It’s both awesome, and terrifying. And I have to admit that I’m quite excited about the whole thing. Can’t believe it’s going to happen.
I’m starting to get an idea of what I’ve let myself in for. It’s both awesome, and terrifying. And I have to admit that I’m quite excited about the whole thing. Can’t believe it’s going to happen.
Celebrity Endorsements
He hates it. And he wants to get ‘celebs’ involved by getting them to talk to a camera about what they like about my music, to help promote the show. No-one’s going to believe that. Everyone knows that he will have just had to pay them an awful lot of money to say anything he wants them to say. If the price is right, you can get a celeb to say anything you like. I loathe the whole celebrity culture thing that society is obsessed with nowadays. Although, if I’m honest that’s probably because I’m not part of it.
Millionaires’ Day is going to be in there. First proper song I wrote when I first met Natalie. Can’t believe I wrote it so many years ago. When did it all start to go past so quickly…?
Millionaires’ Day is going to be in there. First proper song I wrote when I first met Natalie. Can’t believe I wrote it so many years ago. When did it all start to go past so quickly…?
Bad directions
The Arts Theatre has put me in touch with a guy called Matthew - who is going to be helping ‘directing’ the show. I have no problem with that, a bit of help would be very useful - but I’m just not sure about him. He kept shaking his head when I was telling him my ideas for the story. I don’t think he liked the idea for the ending - in a Jacuzzi in a penthouse suite with the 3 naked girls who have been my girlfriends over the years. To be honest Carol didn’t seem very keen on that idea either. I tried to say it was supposed to be both an uplifting, happy ending aswell as being a surreal comment on how your memory is constantly kept alive with moments from the past - in this case the old loves of your life…
Matthew kept going on about keeping it truthful, which to be honest is a bit annoying because frankly who’s interested in watching the truth? The truthful story is I tried to sell my songs for years and it all turned to shit. People aren’t going to pay 18 quid a ticket for a night watching that. They want glamour. So that’s why I thought I could be singing a song with my guitar on the edge of the jaccuzzi, with the 3 girls in there, begging me to get in… I thank them for the wonderful times we had, and we slip into the water together and all slowly submerge - then we suddenly leap up, out of the water laughing. The Jacuzzi doesn’t have to go up into the roof. I can see how that night me a bit ridiculous [and expensive]. But it would be surprising, funny and hopefully moving. At the end Lenny could say, “This one’s for all you dreamers out there…” That could be a very powerful the last line.
I’m not sure Matthew has the right sense of humour for The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman. I’ll try it on him again tomorrow.
Matthew kept going on about keeping it truthful, which to be honest is a bit annoying because frankly who’s interested in watching the truth? The truthful story is I tried to sell my songs for years and it all turned to shit. People aren’t going to pay 18 quid a ticket for a night watching that. They want glamour. So that’s why I thought I could be singing a song with my guitar on the edge of the jaccuzzi, with the 3 girls in there, begging me to get in… I thank them for the wonderful times we had, and we slip into the water together and all slowly submerge - then we suddenly leap up, out of the water laughing. The Jacuzzi doesn’t have to go up into the roof. I can see how that night me a bit ridiculous [and expensive]. But it would be surprising, funny and hopefully moving. At the end Lenny could say, “This one’s for all you dreamers out there…” That could be a very powerful the last line.
I’m not sure Matthew has the right sense of humour for The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman. I’ll try it on him again tomorrow.
The plot thickens 2
I was recently given membership to the ICA by a friend. I’d never been before so I went to check it out. I should have been at home writing the story for the show but I couldn’t be arsed and I think I had writer’s block. So I was having a coffee and rather good slice of banana cake surrounded by lots of photographs of naked men… And suddenly the rest of the show just fell into place…
After the teenage years, and coming back to the festival, we see me, now in my 20s, trying to write songs. I get off with a girl one night after a gig [this will be exciting to do in the show - and I’ll have to think who I could ask to do it… although it’s probably best not to leave that for now if I want to get anything done today]. You’ll see me not getting jobs, being broke and writing songs for people’s weddings. And bumping into Natalie again at the wedding, just like we did in real life. I mean Brigitte of course… I’m going to have to watch that. Then we’ll have an interval. In the 2nd half I get a job as a jazz pianist - which is all true so far, then perhaps come back to the festival for another song before we go back to finding out what happened to me next - and this is the tricky bit - I don’t quite know how to end it. I’ll not worry about that just yet because I’m sure I’ll think of something… I have this idea that Lenny Smallman ends up with everything he has ever wanted - all his dreams come true, which is not what the audience will be expecting, and he is living in an amazing penthouse with all three girls he was in love with - Brigitte, Anja & Charlotte. He sings to the girls while they lounge in a Jacuzzi begging me to get in with them. I dedicate my last song to them all, and jump into the water. The Jacuzzi rises up high above the stage with the 4 of us in it…. The end.
It could be expensive but it should be both funny and ironic, and mean the audience go out on a high. I don’t want it to be a depressing show.
But in the meantime I’m going to look at who we can get to be the 3 girls in the show. This is fantastic. No wonder actors love themselves so much - you get to pretend to have sex with actresses all the time. Now who’s that girl on Eastenders…?
After the teenage years, and coming back to the festival, we see me, now in my 20s, trying to write songs. I get off with a girl one night after a gig [this will be exciting to do in the show - and I’ll have to think who I could ask to do it… although it’s probably best not to leave that for now if I want to get anything done today]. You’ll see me not getting jobs, being broke and writing songs for people’s weddings. And bumping into Natalie again at the wedding, just like we did in real life. I mean Brigitte of course… I’m going to have to watch that. Then we’ll have an interval. In the 2nd half I get a job as a jazz pianist - which is all true so far, then perhaps come back to the festival for another song before we go back to finding out what happened to me next - and this is the tricky bit - I don’t quite know how to end it. I’ll not worry about that just yet because I’m sure I’ll think of something… I have this idea that Lenny Smallman ends up with everything he has ever wanted - all his dreams come true, which is not what the audience will be expecting, and he is living in an amazing penthouse with all three girls he was in love with - Brigitte, Anja & Charlotte. He sings to the girls while they lounge in a Jacuzzi begging me to get in with them. I dedicate my last song to them all, and jump into the water. The Jacuzzi rises up high above the stage with the 4 of us in it…. The end.
It could be expensive but it should be both funny and ironic, and mean the audience go out on a high. I don’t want it to be a depressing show.
But in the meantime I’m going to look at who we can get to be the 3 girls in the show. This is fantastic. No wonder actors love themselves so much - you get to pretend to have sex with actresses all the time. Now who’s that girl on Eastenders…?
Shoot the piano player
Spent most of the day trying to fix a blockage in the sink. [I think Stanley has pushed something down there that he shouldn’t have…] Went to a building supplies in Archway to buy a plunger. It’s one of those places where being able to play music is clearly an utterly pointless skill. Every man in there is completely practical, with the ability to lift heavy things and measure accurately with a tape. I attempted to look as if I had a full understanding of how tiling works.
On a desert island, after a plane crash, the musician would be the second person to get eaten by the rest of the survivors. The actor would get killed first, being marginally less capable of doing anything useful than musicians, whilst being generally louder and more irritating.
Whilst wandering through the grouting section I realised why it is that builders have absolutely no need of musicians…
All of them can whistle.
On a desert island, after a plane crash, the musician would be the second person to get eaten by the rest of the survivors. The actor would get killed first, being marginally less capable of doing anything useful than musicians, whilst being generally louder and more irritating.
Whilst wandering through the grouting section I realised why it is that builders have absolutely no need of musicians…
All of them can whistle.
Untitled
It’s really late. I’m trying to write up today’s blog but I just can’t be arsed. I’m so tired. You’ll just have to watch the video footage. Sorry. Especially if you’re hard of hearing and are relying on these write-ups as subtitles.
Leave a comment if you really are hard of hearing and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…
I feel bad now. Basically, I was just saying that I’ve come up with a good catchy title for the show - “The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman… and The Spiders From Mars”. I could do the whole thing dressed as Bowie through the ages…
… Oh it’s just sounding stupid now. It was a fantastic idea when I came up with it this afternoon. Now see what you’ve made me do…
Leave a comment if you really are hard of hearing and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…
I feel bad now. Basically, I was just saying that I’ve come up with a good catchy title for the show - “The Fall & Rise Of Lenny Smallman… and The Spiders From Mars”. I could do the whole thing dressed as Bowie through the ages…
… Oh it’s just sounding stupid now. It was a fantastic idea when I came up with it this afternoon. Now see what you’ve made me do…
The plot thickens
Wow! A sleepless night full of inspiration… I’ve worked out how to do the show: It’s going to be set at a music festival and I’ll come on, play a song and talk to the audience. Then the lights will change and we go back in time where you find a younger version of me [not sure yet how this bit will work] - and we see him as a teenager, writing his songs. I was remembering the time when I sent a song I’d written about Ziggy Stardust coming back to life to David Bowie… [which might be quite funny]. Then we see him at school meeting Natalie - sorry Brigitte… having a date - writing songs for the other girls I really fancied at the time… So we get an idea of what life was like for him as a boy. Then we come back to the festival for another song - so that when we go back he’s older in his 20s and moved down to London starting to play in bands and work as a songwriter. I don’t know what’s going to happen next so I’ll leave it there for now. I’m exhausted. That’s quite enough thinking for one day. I’ll try and write that up tonight into some form that makes sense to other people - and get on with the rest of the story tomorrow.
Sex, drugs and rock & roll
Set off early with my guitars this morning to another rehearsal session and I see what I can only describe as envy in a man’s eyes as he passes by in his business suit. I’m strolling nonchalently with my guitars to the tube, as he can only imagine my decadent life of sex, drugs and rock & roll…
The reality is of course that he is very happily earning his fortunes in an office while I struggle with mine. Also I was never into drugs and sex was always very complicated issue, messed up more often than not by falling for the ones who were willing to let you undress them. If I have any regrets about some of my younger days, it would be that I often confused nudity in a woman as a sign that she was in love with me. Never quite got the hang of that one.
The reality is of course that he is very happily earning his fortunes in an office while I struggle with mine. Also I was never into drugs and sex was always very complicated issue, messed up more often than not by falling for the ones who were willing to let you undress them. If I have any regrets about some of my younger days, it would be that I often confused nudity in a woman as a sign that she was in love with me. Never quite got the hang of that one.
Spirit of the Blitz
Took the tube over to Hammersmith to rehearse some new songs for the show, in a building not far from the restaurant where I used to play jazz piano for years. A few minutes after coming out of the tube, the station was closed for a short while for some terrorist alert, which turned out to be a false alarm. Simon - who is playing keyboards in the band I’ve put together for the show, arrives a few minutes after me in a really good mood because he’d ordered a take-away Latte from Costa Coffee inside the mall, and the guy had just finished serving him as the alarm went off and the place was evacuated. So he left the shopping centre delightedly clutching his coffee, as opposed to the two or three people behind him in the queue who had already paid for theirs but were forced to leave empty handed…
Hammersmith Shopping Mall can be a very depressing place at the best of times. Come friendly bombs…
Posted
Hammersmith Shopping Mall can be a very depressing place at the best of times. Come friendly bombs…
Posted
Honesty
I’ve been a bit coy about my personal life up to now and I’m not sure why. This is such a personal thing to be doing, and I keep forgetting people will be watching these, and I realise I’ve shied away from talking about my partner.
Why is that? I’m being honest here. I don’t think it’s because I’d like to make myself attractive to other women out there, or that I’m even hoping to get a bit of virtual sex on the side… I tried it once with a girl I met in a chat room but it wasn’t for me - it just felt weird. I didn’t want her to think I was illiterate, so I refused to abbreviate the words the way everyone else was doing, and preferred to type them out in full instead, so it took me 15 minutes just to take her shirt off…
Why have I not talked about them before - my personal relationships I mean? These people who mean the world to me?
Maybe I am being a little sly and hedging my bets after all? So I better come clean with you now. My real name is Lenny Smallman and I’ve been with Carol for 7 years. We’re not married. We don’t want to be married - I like thinking of her as my girlfriend. It feels more like a choice, rather than something we are forced to make work. We’ve got one boy called Stanley who is now 6. He arrived on the scene very quickly… We’d only been together one month when he was conceived. It was something of a shock, but I can’t imagine how it would work any other way. How would you make a decision like that? We needed to be helped into it, and I’m very happy we were.
Neither of them want to be involved with these blogs. I’ve asked them to stick their head around the door once in a while, but they really don’t want to - which is fine. So there you go. I’ve come clean with you all.
So therefore if you’re single and you’re looking for a virtual relationship with a man who takes his time over the sentences, you can contact me through the website…
That’s a joke obviously.
[But do get in touch though…]
Posted in Blo
Why is that? I’m being honest here. I don’t think it’s because I’d like to make myself attractive to other women out there, or that I’m even hoping to get a bit of virtual sex on the side… I tried it once with a girl I met in a chat room but it wasn’t for me - it just felt weird. I didn’t want her to think I was illiterate, so I refused to abbreviate the words the way everyone else was doing, and preferred to type them out in full instead, so it took me 15 minutes just to take her shirt off…
Why have I not talked about them before - my personal relationships I mean? These people who mean the world to me?
Maybe I am being a little sly and hedging my bets after all? So I better come clean with you now. My real name is Lenny Smallman and I’ve been with Carol for 7 years. We’re not married. We don’t want to be married - I like thinking of her as my girlfriend. It feels more like a choice, rather than something we are forced to make work. We’ve got one boy called Stanley who is now 6. He arrived on the scene very quickly… We’d only been together one month when he was conceived. It was something of a shock, but I can’t imagine how it would work any other way. How would you make a decision like that? We needed to be helped into it, and I’m very happy we were.
Neither of them want to be involved with these blogs. I’ve asked them to stick their head around the door once in a while, but they really don’t want to - which is fine. So there you go. I’ve come clean with you all.
So therefore if you’re single and you’re looking for a virtual relationship with a man who takes his time over the sentences, you can contact me through the website…
That’s a joke obviously.
[But do get in touch though…]
Posted in Blo
Hello Brigitte
Went into town today to have a look at the Arts Theatre. The main stage is pretty big. Quite scary actually. This idea for the show - instead of doing it as a gig I could do it as a kind of music festival and get bands to come on to play… which means I don’t have to do it all myself.
Had a phone call from a serious ex-lover of mine today, completely out of the blue. She just wanted to see how I was doing, which is weird… I started to tell her about the show I’m trying to come up with, based on my music, and I managed to stop myself just in time before telling her how she was going to be a part if it. Because I think I know what to do now - I think it could be the story of our relationship… There’s a lot of stuff we went through, how me met at school, and I always thought she would be the one, but she wasn’t, but not until I had exhausted every possibility of trying to make it happen. Then when she got married it all became a little complicated… Obviously this is going to be difficult to do on stage without getting her into some trouble with her husband… So I then spent two hours trying to think of another name I could call her instead of Natalie to protect her anonymity. It took a while - but I got there and from now on, as far as the show is concerned she’s going to be called Brigitte…
Always quite fancied the name Brigitte - very French. So that’s something. Got her name sorted at least. Just the rest of the show to work on now…
Had a phone call from a serious ex-lover of mine today, completely out of the blue. She just wanted to see how I was doing, which is weird… I started to tell her about the show I’m trying to come up with, based on my music, and I managed to stop myself just in time before telling her how she was going to be a part if it. Because I think I know what to do now - I think it could be the story of our relationship… There’s a lot of stuff we went through, how me met at school, and I always thought she would be the one, but she wasn’t, but not until I had exhausted every possibility of trying to make it happen. Then when she got married it all became a little complicated… Obviously this is going to be difficult to do on stage without getting her into some trouble with her husband… So I then spent two hours trying to think of another name I could call her instead of Natalie to protect her anonymity. It took a while - but I got there and from now on, as far as the show is concerned she’s going to be called Brigitte…
Always quite fancied the name Brigitte - very French. So that’s something. Got her name sorted at least. Just the rest of the show to work on now…
When you’re on the floor, you come back for more
Been working out which songs I can use in the show. Can quite see it all yet but I want to use ‘Some of Your Planes’ somehow. The trouble is it’s a song that a disappointed grown-up would sing to their kid, which sounds a little sentimental, and we don’t want any of that… Played it through a few times and I’m starting to get the germ of an idea - I just can’t see what it is….
I’ve got a quote on my wall which says that inspiration is the act of pulling the chair up the desk. I suppose that means you just have to get on with it.
This is going well, isn’t it? Gripping stuff so far. The audience will be riveted to their seats. The whole thing’s a disaster
I’ve got a quote on my wall which says that inspiration is the act of pulling the chair up the desk. I suppose that means you just have to get on with it.
This is going well, isn’t it? Gripping stuff so far. The audience will be riveted to their seats. The whole thing’s a disaster
Dirty Washing
Seemed to have spent all day doing laundry. You get through so much when you’ve got a kid. It never stops… It certainly didn’t used to be like this. I always quite enjoyed taking a bag down to the laundrette.
This is the moment I will look back upon doing a 180° turn. Hopefully not with regret but we’ll have to see about that. You see, you only live once and you have to grab the moments when they come. So I changed my mind and said yes to the Arts Theatre’s idea to do a show based around my songs. So that’s it then… here’s what I’ve come up with:
I thought I’d do the evening with a theme based on the history of a relationship between two lovers, and I’ve worked out an order of songs that would fit the story. I then had the idea of asking Natalie [an ex of mine who has a very good voice] if she might like to be in it aswell, to put the female’s perspective… It took a few minutes to realize what a crazy idea that was… A girl who I was once madly in love with, who I haven’t seen for a while, in a show onstage with me, about the nightmarish history we shared as lovers? I’d be asking the girl I wrote most of my songs about to be in a show about me writing lots of songs about her. It’s all too surreal. And what would her husband say [let alone my partner]? The whole thing has become a mental nightmare and I’ve decided that it probably isn’t the best way to go. It would be like hanging all your dirty washing out in public. If I’m still to do a show of some sort, I’ll have to think of something else.
Just realised the irony of what I’m doing in the video. I knew it was all a bad idea.
This is the moment I will look back upon doing a 180° turn. Hopefully not with regret but we’ll have to see about that. You see, you only live once and you have to grab the moments when they come. So I changed my mind and said yes to the Arts Theatre’s idea to do a show based around my songs. So that’s it then… here’s what I’ve come up with:
I thought I’d do the evening with a theme based on the history of a relationship between two lovers, and I’ve worked out an order of songs that would fit the story. I then had the idea of asking Natalie [an ex of mine who has a very good voice] if she might like to be in it aswell, to put the female’s perspective… It took a few minutes to realize what a crazy idea that was… A girl who I was once madly in love with, who I haven’t seen for a while, in a show onstage with me, about the nightmarish history we shared as lovers? I’d be asking the girl I wrote most of my songs about to be in a show about me writing lots of songs about her. It’s all too surreal. And what would her husband say [let alone my partner]? The whole thing has become a mental nightmare and I’ve decided that it probably isn’t the best way to go. It would be like hanging all your dirty washing out in public. If I’m still to do a show of some sort, I’ll have to think of something else.
Just realised the irony of what I’m doing in the video. I knew it was all a bad idea.
Thanks but no thanks
Went for a bit of a haircut. It’s still a terrifying experience even now, wondering what’s it’s going to do for you, followed by the disappointment that you haven’t come out of the salon looking like Johnny Depp…
Pondered the call from the Arts Theatre - about doing some sort of show based on my music, and I’ve decided against it. Definitely not going to do it. I just don’t see who would buy a ticket - it’s hard enough filling a small room for a one-off gig. The Arts Theatre holds 340 people. For 2 weeks. That’s about 5000 seats. No way. They said they’d help with the marketing, but it’s a ridiculous idea. I’ve got a lot to be doing. I’m not into music like I was. I said thanks but no thanks. Huge relief. Thank god that’s over.
By the way, I’ve decided to start renaming my video podcasts as episode numbers, due to the episodic direction my life seems to take.
Pondered the call from the Arts Theatre - about doing some sort of show based on my music, and I’ve decided against it. Definitely not going to do it. I just don’t see who would buy a ticket - it’s hard enough filling a small room for a one-off gig. The Arts Theatre holds 340 people. For 2 weeks. That’s about 5000 seats. No way. They said they’d help with the marketing, but it’s a ridiculous idea. I’ve got a lot to be doing. I’m not into music like I was. I said thanks but no thanks. Huge relief. Thank god that’s over.
By the way, I’ve decided to start renaming my video podcasts as episode numbers, due to the episodic direction my life seems to take.
Some good news for a change
Oooouch. Sore head. Didn’t sound my best on the telephone when the Arts Theatre called - they seemed to really like the gig I did with them last night, especially the bits in between all the songs, and they wondered how I’d feel about coming up with a sort of big gig, on the main stage, for 2 weeks in April/May? They said it could be about anything I liked to do with the songs.
I wasn’t sure when they first mentioned it, but over the last hour I must admit I’m quite tempted. They suggested calling it ‘The Lenny Smallman Show’. I could do a big gig with a few musician friends, and maybe some chat in-between as to how the songs came about. The trouble is - not many people will have heard of Lenny Smallman, so how do I sell tickets? Have to work that one out. I’m sure it’s only because the Arts Theatre has had something else drop out. It’s quite a daunting prospect but you have to take your chances in life…
I said I’d call them back in a day or two after deciding what to do… They said fine - but they’d need a decision quickly…. Hmmmnnnnn…………….
I wasn’t sure when they first mentioned it, but over the last hour I must admit I’m quite tempted. They suggested calling it ‘The Lenny Smallman Show’. I could do a big gig with a few musician friends, and maybe some chat in-between as to how the songs came about. The trouble is - not many people will have heard of Lenny Smallman, so how do I sell tickets? Have to work that one out. I’m sure it’s only because the Arts Theatre has had something else drop out. It’s quite a daunting prospect but you have to take your chances in life…
I said I’d call them back in a day or two after deciding what to do… They said fine - but they’d need a decision quickly…. Hmmmnnnnn…………….
Really, really pissed off now
And the sodding passport comes today… still too late, because when I phoned to see if the job was still there, they told me they’ve got someone else.
I’ve probably said enough on the podcast so I’m leaving it there. Watch that if you want any more. Pissed off. Very unhappy.
I’ve probably said enough on the podcast so I’m leaving it there. Watch that if you want any more. Pissed off. Very unhappy.
Really pissed off
Don’t feel much like writing this today. Just been offered a job on a film as a singer with guitar, who is singing songs in a bar for a couple of episodes for a new American TV show for HBO, filming in Prague… good money, few days work, flying out there tomorrow. Brilliant. Very, very excited…………………….
……………………….. until realising that the new passport hasn’t arrived yet and the old one was of course sent off with the renewal application form last week… So I have to turn the job down because I haven’t got a passport… How pathetic does that sound?
……………………….. until realising that the new passport hasn’t arrived yet and the old one was of course sent off with the renewal application form last week… So I have to turn the job down because I haven’t got a passport… How pathetic does that sound?
Falling in love with a slug
Wandering into the kitchen early this morning, I was slightly disturbed to find a piece of cold spaghetti under my bare foot, on the floor near to the sink. On further inspection I then realised that, rather than spaghetti, it was a slug that had slithered in out of the rain…
Booked a couple more gigs at the Arts Theatre upstairs. Good chance to polish up some more of the old songs.
This is where I say I’ve just found the tape of a song I wrote several years about waking up in the night and treading on a slug. But of course that didn’t happen. I would have had to fall in love with the slug first and then written a song about treading on it. However I did find a tape in the old box about someone who I didn’t treat very well… called The Cat That Drops The Bird, and I might try doing something with it - see if I can update it and make it work.
Booked a couple more gigs at the Arts Theatre upstairs. Good chance to polish up some more of the old songs.
This is where I say I’ve just found the tape of a song I wrote several years about waking up in the night and treading on a slug. But of course that didn’t happen. I would have had to fall in love with the slug first and then written a song about treading on it. However I did find a tape in the old box about someone who I didn’t treat very well… called The Cat That Drops The Bird, and I might try doing something with it - see if I can update it and make it work.
The effect of rain on slides
Took Stanley out for the afternoon. Went on a big Astroglide, like there always used to be at fairs when I was a kid. You sit on a mat and slide down the long bumpy slope. It was raining and it struck me as odd that rain makes all surfaces slippy, except for slides, on which it has completely the opposite effect…
Things you shouldn’t laugh at: There was a maze in the gardens with hedges you could see over, the aim being to make your way from the entrance into the little walled garden in the middle. A family comes in, the young kids running excitedly down the pathways. One of the kids falls over onto his knees and starts crying, as his mum and dad, in another part of the maze, try to find their way over to him but keep hitting dead ends. The kid was fine – he was just making a noise. It became like some bad comedy, with the parents dashing up and down the hedges getting furious with each other for not being able to reach their upset child.
Things you shouldn’t laugh at: There was a maze in the gardens with hedges you could see over, the aim being to make your way from the entrance into the little walled garden in the middle. A family comes in, the young kids running excitedly down the pathways. One of the kids falls over onto his knees and starts crying, as his mum and dad, in another part of the maze, try to find their way over to him but keep hitting dead ends. The kid was fine – he was just making a noise. It became like some bad comedy, with the parents dashing up and down the hedges getting furious with each other for not being able to reach their upset child.
Not quite right, exactly
Had a phone call. The tv theme I was working on a couple of weeks ago is ‘Not quite right, exactly.’…
When the time comes they might give me another chance at it… How very kind.
Always hard, having your babies rejected. It involves a several minutes of embarrassed, personal mourning whilst pretending to the world that everything is fine.
When the time comes they might give me another chance at it… How very kind.
Always hard, having your babies rejected. It involves a several minutes of embarrassed, personal mourning whilst pretending to the world that everything is fine.
Same conversation 5 times
Spent the day trying to come up with ideas. Took the bus into town for some inspiration. A teenage girl with a very thick neck sat on the seat next to me, constantly sniffing snot back up into her nose, having exactly the same conversation on her mobile with 5 friends, one after the other. Then her mum called her and she could hardly be bothered to speak. Some other kid sat behind us playing music on his mobile. Nice journey. Makes me hanker for those youths wandering about town with a ghetto blaster on their shoulders. [Must have cost a fortune in batteries].
Anyways, she’s gonna sell her jewellery innit. Someone offered her four fifty but she said five hundred. And if she gets it all in right, she’s gonna spend it on a fakkin holiday, tickets AND spends innit.
Anyways, she’s gonna sell her jewellery innit. Someone offered her four fifty but she said five hundred. And if she gets it all in right, she’s gonna spend it on a fakkin holiday, tickets AND spends innit.
Passport form
Finally filled in the passport form, and took it with the photos to the post office. Had to pay £7 to get everything checked, new passport should come in a week or so. Has to be one of the most complicated forms of all time. What it must be like if you’re an asylum seeker and English isn’t your first language… Just the sheer determination to fill in the form deserves respect. Only been on my list of things to do for the past 10 months. Always an exciting prospect - the chance of travel to some far-off places. Do they still stamp your book when you arrive in a new country? Only really went to France and Spain on the last one - they weren’t remotely interested in stamping. Although I was once coming back from Calais I was stood in the perfect position to see a middle-eastern woman wearing a veil across her face, remove it briefly for the customs officer - and she was unutterably beautiful. More so because I felt I had glimpsed something secret, that I wasn’t allowed to see. Incredible how the face, once it is forbidden to be seen, becomes extraordinarily erotic…
Still thinking about that American girl
On the tube again today going to Shepherds Bush. Walked through the streets, past a few of the old haunts. I couldn’t stop thinking about the American girl I was remembering a couple of days ago. I was living in a flat in Shepherds Bush at the time, and our ghosts were still there, walking the streets, rushing through the alleyways to get back home for more sex…
I was dragged back into the real world outside the Empire [all the ghosts neatly tucked up in bed with a good book] where an old homeless guy was rummaging in a bin for something to eat. He looked up at me as I was walking past, gives me a big smile and says – “It’s all go, innit! It’s all go innit! When you get there…”
And being older now [& wiser?], I think I know where he’s coming from.
I was dragged back into the real world outside the Empire [all the ghosts neatly tucked up in bed with a good book] where an old homeless guy was rummaging in a bin for something to eat. He looked up at me as I was walking past, gives me a big smile and says – “It’s all go, innit! It’s all go innit! When you get there…”
And being older now [& wiser?], I think I know where he’s coming from.
Highs and lows
What happens…? Loved the feeling of playing those gigs. Leaves you on a high. Then today… completely pissed off, deflated. Like all these years I’ve been playing songs and the next day everything goes on as if nothing has changed. So weird… I do it because…….. why? I love it? Used to certainly. Being in a band in Sheffield, or when I was in HKH in London in my 20s, and we were seen as one of the Next Big Things… But now? I love moments about it [like when an old song still works, or listening to Gina sing one of the new songs with her amazing voice] - but it’s hardly worth all the grief. The money…? There isn’t any. It always costs more to put it on that comes in from the takings. So why then…?
One of the great mysteries I suppose.
One of the great mysteries I suppose.
Been gigging a bit
I recently decided it was time to get out there again - so I played a small acoustic gig at the Arts Theatre Upstairs, in Leicester Square the other week. Loved it. Good crowd, some new faces. Brought a couple of guests on - Simon Walters on piano and Gina Murray sang BVs and took a couple of lead vocals too. Need to do more of this. Of course I’m still humping amps up and down stairs before and after the gig. But I think it’s worth it. Good to get the songs out there again. Tried out a few new ones too. The singer-songwriter competition is also going pretty well at the same venue. Check out the pages on the left to read more about these Arts Theatre gigs I’m doing. Really getting in to it. One of these days I’ll get myself a roadie.
Also somehow managed to record over my fifteenth video podcast thing. Sorry about that.
Also somehow managed to record over my fifteenth video podcast thing. Sorry about that.
Easter
‘Easter’. Wrote it about a particular evening early on in one particular relationship. Funny discovering old songs in the songbook that you’ve kind of dismissed, and how they came about. I think it’s the most understated & erotic song I’ve ever written, but you probably wouldn’t guess that, unless you knew the references.
I really love airports
I still love airports.
I don’t fly much, so they’re not really tainted by everyday journeys. Always places of such intense emotions. Big hellos and massive goodbyes. I recalled an incident from my early 20s after enjoying a magical 4 week relationship with a sweet American girl I’d met in the States. Two weeks later she came to stay with me for a fortnight. The day she left was the morning of my 24th birthday. We said our passionate goodbyes at Gatwick, anticipating our next time together as soon as we could possibly fix it up. Money was very tight and we were afraid we’d find it difficult to afford it - but we said we’d find a way. As soon as possible, we’d find a way… So we phoned and sent delightful letters to each other for the next 3 or 4 months, then decided it was mad to try and keep the relationship going like this… Never saw her again.
And I just found a book she gave me for my birthday present, the day she left, with an inscription on the inside cover…
Weird, having a relationship that just stops like that, for no valid reason other than geography. And the potential mess that could happen if you were to meet again years later…
I don’t fly much, so they’re not really tainted by everyday journeys. Always places of such intense emotions. Big hellos and massive goodbyes. I recalled an incident from my early 20s after enjoying a magical 4 week relationship with a sweet American girl I’d met in the States. Two weeks later she came to stay with me for a fortnight. The day she left was the morning of my 24th birthday. We said our passionate goodbyes at Gatwick, anticipating our next time together as soon as we could possibly fix it up. Money was very tight and we were afraid we’d find it difficult to afford it - but we said we’d find a way. As soon as possible, we’d find a way… So we phoned and sent delightful letters to each other for the next 3 or 4 months, then decided it was mad to try and keep the relationship going like this… Never saw her again.
And I just found a book she gave me for my birthday present, the day she left, with an inscription on the inside cover…
Weird, having a relationship that just stops like that, for no valid reason other than geography. And the potential mess that could happen if you were to meet again years later…
An apology
Firstly an apology to the clever people who write operating manuals that I slandered late last night.
Secondly - finished the track I was working on… called “Twisted”
Feelings leave me cold
I loved you and then grew old
I lost you and this is how it ends
I wasted my happiness resisted
life just leaves you twisted
life just leaves
and out of the blue comes a chance to come through
comes your last chance
it comes
then it’s gone…
Lenny x
Secondly - finished the track I was working on… called “Twisted”
Feelings leave me cold
I loved you and then grew old
I lost you and this is how it ends
I wasted my happiness resisted
life just leaves you twisted
life just leaves
and out of the blue comes a chance to come through
comes your last chance
it comes
then it’s gone…
Lenny x
TV theme tune
Been asked to come up with an idea for a theme song for a new tv show. This is how the process works: People making tv show ask several composers to come up with idea. Those composers spend a lot of time coming up with ideas based on what they’ve been told the show is about, then record a good demo of it in the hope it might get chosen. Usually it just gets dismissed for not being what the producers were looking for in the first place, and then no-one will ever hear it again.
If you have watched today’s video podcasts you’ll see it took me a while. Shared a couple of bad moments with the operating manual. But that’s what you get if you stay up late trying to understand something a little too technical…
Recorded one which I’m quite happy with. It wont be what they are looking for, obviously, but at least by posting it here I feel better about spending the last 48 hours working on it.
If you have watched today’s video podcasts you’ll see it took me a while. Shared a couple of bad moments with the operating manual. But that’s what you get if you stay up late trying to understand something a little too technical…
Recorded one which I’m quite happy with. It wont be what they are looking for, obviously, but at least by posting it here I feel better about spending the last 48 hours working on it.
Passport photos
For the last 10 years I knew my passport was going to run out next month. But I still haven’t sorted out a new one. I finally put on a nice shirt and made it out to a photo booth today. I don’t have a good history of looking great in passport photos, ever since I got my first one when I was 15, for a family holiday in Majorca. The pictures that dropped out of the booth in the Chesterfield branch of Woolworths were possibly the most horrific ever taken, not helped by the bright yellow sweater I was wearing at the time. It’s difficult to see where my complexion stopped and the wool began. Passport photo machines have changed. You now get to approve the shot before it’s printed. No stool to turn around, no choice of orange or grey curtains as background. No loitering nervously outside the booth for five minutes like while it prints the pictures and then holding them out to dry for another 5 minutes. The new ones aren’t too bad I suppose. It’s more the terrifying prospect that this is how you must look to customs officials when you go abroad for the next 10 years.
A song in my head
New verse and chorus for a song going round my head - Ground Beneath Your Feet. Trying to get it finished…
Mysterious girl on tube
Went into town on the tube this morning. Sat opposite a beautiful young girl wearing too much make-up, like some caricature prostitute. Her massive gorgeous eyes beamed out from beneath very thick green shadow, and her cheeks were blushed obscenely pink. You usually get a pretty good idea of most people on the tube [first impressions are often correct] but I couldn’t work her out. Nothing else in her manner suggested she was a prostitute, although I liked the idea that she was some kind of courtesan and I started imagining some other life with her, in some dodgy flat in Paris. By the time she got off I went with the notion that she was a drama student. She probably just worked on a make-up counter in a department store and was trying out free samples.
If you let yourself, you could fall for someone on every tube train. Even if it were only for moments. How often could the human body fall in love? You’d be exhausted. But think of the songs you’d get out of it…
If you let yourself, you could fall for someone on every tube train. Even if it were only for moments. How often could the human body fall in love? You’d be exhausted. But think of the songs you’d get out of it…
My old friend Jimmy
Dinner with my old friend Jimmy who I played guitar with for years in pubs and bars in London, as Don & Ray. We never decided who was who, although I always felt I was more of a Ray than a Don. We had 2 acoustic guitars with pick-ups stuck on with double-sided tape, which always fell off in the middle of songs. We’d set up a small PA in various pubs [anyone from the Walmer Castle, Ledbury Road, Notting Hill, from the 80s to the 90s?] We’d play 30 songs, some of our own, some covers, while attempting to get off with the South African bar girls who we assumed must have really fancied us… Jim was always the better looking, so I always presumed they would go for him first. We used a kettle lead to power the amp, and balanced speakers precariously high up on bar stools placed on tables because we couldn’t afford stands, and hoped that nobody knocked them over… Sometime we forgot the kettle lead. The South African bar girls weren’t that impressed.
30 second songs
Just read about how Brian Eno was commissioned to come up with the music for Microsoft when Windows is opened up… it had to be 2.75 seconds long and he became obsessed with coming up with ideas at that exact length. Not quite the same thing [and without the cheque obviously,] but I am loving trying to come up with 30 second songs. ‘A Little of Who You Fancy’ was the first.
“Say that we say it could never happen, secretly wishing it would.
Boundaries merge, touches a nerve, and we pleasantly misunderstood
that a little of who you fancy does you good.”
“Say that we say it could never happen, secretly wishing it would.
Boundaries merge, touches a nerve, and we pleasantly misunderstood
that a little of who you fancy does you good.”
Plugging my competition tomorrow night
I’ve got a clapperboard, which I’m using on my video podcasts. Although I have just realised it’s nothing but an affectation, as I’m filming my blog onto a camera which also records sound, therefore making the ‘clap’ totally un-necessary. Style over content. Not often I can be accused of that. Usually the content’s ok, and the style completely missing. Anyway, got the first heat of my Lenny Smallman ’search for a singer-songwriter competition’ tomorrow night (see page link on the left). Pop down, it would be great to see you there.
My second video podcast (sorry, please ignore editing error - must learn which buttons not to press…!)
My second blog entry
Been listening to my old Prefab Sprout records, which still break my heart. Paddy McAloon’s genius songs. The sound of being 18 and in love with the world & various people in it. I listen to it again now as if no time has passed. Still haunted by all those faces… The soundtrack to my early adult life. The one that’s always been available in the shops, that is. The other one - the self-written soundtrack - umpteen boxes of old 4 track cassettes and the odd piece of vinyl tucked down the side; hours of home recordings dedicated to whoever I was in love with at the time, are piled up in a cupboard, here with me. There might be a handful of people along the way who might say they were playing one of my songs in the background at certain important moments in their lives. But not many of them. And certainly not enough to pay the bills.
The world according to Lenny Smallman
Hi… I’m Lenny. This is my blogging site where you can watch my video podcasts or read about life, the universe and how it never quite goes the way you want it to. You can also listen to some of my songs if you like. [Well, it worked for the Arctic Monkeys and Lily Allen…]
Why do this, when there’s already so much stuff out there that doesn’t seem to mean very much? Our days are filled with useless, inane bits of information, and we’re all struggling to get by whilst making sense of it all. I recently got into a conversation with a mate - we were talking about what you need to get through all the daily shite, all those crutches we use to get through the hard times; coffee, texting, daytime tv, religion, drugs, celeb magazines, meaningless sex, alcohol, fast food… the list goes on. And I realised for me it pretty much always comes down to the same thing - songs… Wherever I’m at, no matter how bad it gets, there’s always a song that can take you out of the mundane, where you feel totally understood and it all suddenly makes sense for a couple of minutes at least. We’ve all got our favourites and they’ll all be different [I’m not going to bore you with mine], which is pretty amazing when you think about it. All those emotions packed into 3 or 4 minutes of a unique combination of notes, sounds and words.
Because, the thing is - what it comes down to basically… none of it does make any sense, does it..?
When you get to be a grown-up you’re suddenly expected to know all the answers because grown-ups know everything. But we don’t really know anything at all do we, other than what the songwriters have taught us; ‘The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind’ [Dylan]; ‘Life is what happens when you’re planning other things’ [Lennon]; ‘You can’t always git what you want’ [Jagger]…
I’m going to keep this updated every day, so keep checking it out - and add comments of your own if you like. When our work is done, we’ll package it all up - and sell it onto our kids saying “You want to know what it’s all about? Read that, all the answers are in there… Some of your planes will come down…”
So please come back and visit again soon.
This one’s for all you dreamers out there…
Why do this, when there’s already so much stuff out there that doesn’t seem to mean very much? Our days are filled with useless, inane bits of information, and we’re all struggling to get by whilst making sense of it all. I recently got into a conversation with a mate - we were talking about what you need to get through all the daily shite, all those crutches we use to get through the hard times; coffee, texting, daytime tv, religion, drugs, celeb magazines, meaningless sex, alcohol, fast food… the list goes on. And I realised for me it pretty much always comes down to the same thing - songs… Wherever I’m at, no matter how bad it gets, there’s always a song that can take you out of the mundane, where you feel totally understood and it all suddenly makes sense for a couple of minutes at least. We’ve all got our favourites and they’ll all be different [I’m not going to bore you with mine], which is pretty amazing when you think about it. All those emotions packed into 3 or 4 minutes of a unique combination of notes, sounds and words.
Because, the thing is - what it comes down to basically… none of it does make any sense, does it..?
When you get to be a grown-up you’re suddenly expected to know all the answers because grown-ups know everything. But we don’t really know anything at all do we, other than what the songwriters have taught us; ‘The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind’ [Dylan]; ‘Life is what happens when you’re planning other things’ [Lennon]; ‘You can’t always git what you want’ [Jagger]…
I’m going to keep this updated every day, so keep checking it out - and add comments of your own if you like. When our work is done, we’ll package it all up - and sell it onto our kids saying “You want to know what it’s all about? Read that, all the answers are in there… Some of your planes will come down…”
So please come back and visit again soon.
This one’s for all you dreamers out there…
My first video podcast (transcribed)
Life begins. Went to a friend’s 40th birthday. He said he’s going to Glastonbury this year to celebrate. Has to take the time off work, which doesn’t seem very rock & roll. I’m quite jealous actually, envying the experience he will have. Although, again, it doesn’t seem right unless you are single and free to get off with someone in a tent. He’s not, but he probably will. The reality will be 4 days of pissing rain, tornados & mudslides, warm beer 5 quid a can, wellington boots 80 quid a pair, then home with guilt and a small infection. Must be getting old…
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