Goodbye Jonathan Ross. Hello...?

Just followed a lone balloon on a stick being blown a mile up Kentish Town High Road. Couldn't help but imagine some screaming child way back in Camden. Get used to disappointment kid. From the top of the bus it looked like a giant sperm desperately searching for an egg. Half expected someone to burst it, but even in these difficult times someone wouldn't be that cruel, surely....?

Whllst we're on the subject, what is the point of those blow-ey things that move leaves around the driveways of large houses by the gardening help? Even today, in high winds, I saw one being used for five minutes to absolutely no effect.

So Jonathan Ross is about to record his final BBC show tomorrow. They are going to need a new chat show, with an original and refreshing format. Something that's not been done before, with a wide appeal. But how would that work? And who on earth could possibly host such a programme?

Dry Am Kloot

I can feel trouble brewing with my local scary-eyed dry cleaner. One of my luxuries is taking five shirts to the laundry every couple of weeks. I've been using another dry cleaning shop slightly further away on my high street for the last couple of years because they are always friendly and do a good job with the clothes. But unfortunately this means passing the scary dry cleaner's shop to get there, which is fine when taking the garments in - but rather more awkward when returning with a flowing bundle of freshly laundered shirts.

I have tried crossing the street to put some distance between us, but usually tend to opt for the 'shoulder swap' when walking on the pavement as I pass, whereby I disguise the freshly laundered shirts by placing them on the blind side behind my body...

This morning, just after swapping the clothes hangers into my other hand, the scary dry cleaner emerged from his shop right in front of me, saw what I was doing and.... smiled the most 4-letter smile I think I have ever seen. Terrifying. Then he walked along behind me on the pavement until I made it back home, when he continued on his way. So now he knows where I live...

Loving the new I Am Kloot album. Seven albums in [kind of] and still a proper band. Having trouble with the new Divine Comedy though - I love his early records but feel he's now become a parody of what he did so well. As with Richard Hawley - love the early stuff, not so keen on the later crooning. Same with Rufus Wainwright... Is there a pattern emerging here? I tend to still like bands when I feel that I've discovered them and before everyone else does. Probably just jealousy on my behalf.

25 years since LiveAid... Lady Gaga wasn't even born then. How can that be right?

Vicars and Arts

Apologies for lack of blogs these last few days. No excuse. Been watching sport and dressing up as a vicar. Don't ask.

So apparently Steven Gerrard's wife doesn't have a sister. So why let the facts get in the way of a good story? Surely there's a few more gory details to emerge about the lack of any cohesive footballing teamwork? They think it's all over. It is now. 

Why is Holland also known as The Netherlands and the people who come from there are Dutch?

Been listening through the drum tracks for the new album. Next stage is to get my old mate Art to record his bass parts, which hopefully will be happening over the next month or so. In the meantime I'm running about like a headless chicken having said yes to 7 things I should have only said yes to 3 to. Does that sentence make sense?

Just suffered an awkward moment in front of strangers. Note to self; only ever make dodgy jokes to people who know you well enough to understand you are joking...

GET IN!!!

Who is the person that works out that it will cost the economy one billion pounds in missed work hours because of today's England game? Did they sit down with a calculator wearing a nightgown in the dim light of a candle and really come up with that figure? Is it the same person who calculates that it costs 200 grand to bring up a child? That person deeply worries me.

I'm reading "Riddley Walker" by Russell Hoban. - just incredible. Never heard of the writer or the book until it was recommended to me a few days ago. It's very hard to stumble on something fantastic anymore without it being recommended by someone first... It's a shame that we rarely trust our instincts and pick things up for the hell of it. I suppose because so often the result is disappointing. Maybe that's why I never sold too many records.

I'm working on a pitch for a show I'm working on - and have just written this...  - putting budget together for a 23 min pilot, breaking down into 5 x 4 min chapters and celebrity artist interview for new Virgin cross-media multi-platform event, with possible follow-on tv pick-up... - Which makes me sound like a complete tosser. How did that happen? Play Cole, Gerard to the side serving Rooney, James in the sticks. 3 nil half time.

GET IN!!!

Win, Lose and Draw

Have I just read something in the news about Israel proclaiming to have stopped beating its wife...?

Meanwhile the footballing elite are complaining that their new ball is a bit too round. Apparently it doesn't go where they kick it - unlike their previous ball which always went exactly as intended, hence a perfect record of goalscoring and goalkeeping from every shot?! The new football was developed using the finest technology in Loughborough. Taking the complaint to its natural conclusion, shouldn't we now ban any further use of technology as it's only going to cock everything up?

In a few hours time I'm sure that England will have found a way to score a few goals with their new ball, and save a few more at the other end. And then all will be fine and dandy with the world - for a day or two at least.

Meanwhile Palestine is hoping for a draw...

TRAFIK

Bad experience on tube. Riding the long escalator upto Tottenham Court Road last night, I noticed the man stood in front of me had terrible dandruff. As the wind blew down into the subway I actually had to take a breath and close my eyes to avoid the torrent of flaky skin coming my way. It rained down. 30 seconds of psoriasorial fallout. I can feel an episode of Seinfeld coming on...

Fantastic free track available here from Lenny's very good friend's the brilliant [and global] TRAFIK... Love their new album. Ah, If only I was 10 years younger....  http://www.mixmag.net/content/free-track-download-global-undergrounds-trafik

Hayfever's kicked in with a vengeance today. On the plus side I'm very pleased to have found a particular pen I've been looking for over the last few months but it's leaked badly and now there's ink everywhere... I'm about to go into a work meeting to pitch a couple of ideas, but with blue fingers and a runny nose I suddenly look like I'm twelve.

4oDisaster

Oh no... I watched an ep of big brother on 4oD and now I want to see more... Why did I do it!? Isn't it supposed to be the first drop that kills you...

Good meeting last night with west end producer about writing a new musical. Had my fingers burnt with that before but even so, im somewhere between excited and extrememly wary.

Off onto town again tonight with free tickets for a show for research, wearing a particularly good Lenny shirt. And cufflinks. I was never this stylish when I was 20... Actually, I was, it's just that noone realised it at the time.