When you’re on the floor, you come back for more
Been working out which songs I can use in the show. Can quite see it all yet but I want to use ‘Some of Your Planes’ somehow. The trouble is it’s a song that a disappointed grown-up would sing to their kid, which sounds a little sentimental, and we don’t want any of that… Played it through a few times and I’m starting to get the germ of an idea - I just can’t see what it is….
I’ve got a quote on my wall which says that inspiration is the act of pulling the chair up the desk. I suppose that means you just have to get on with it.
This is going well, isn’t it? Gripping stuff so far. The audience will be riveted to their seats. The whole thing’s a disaster
I’ve got a quote on my wall which says that inspiration is the act of pulling the chair up the desk. I suppose that means you just have to get on with it.
This is going well, isn’t it? Gripping stuff so far. The audience will be riveted to their seats. The whole thing’s a disaster
Dirty Washing
Seemed to have spent all day doing laundry. You get through so much when you’ve got a kid. It never stops… It certainly didn’t used to be like this. I always quite enjoyed taking a bag down to the laundrette.
This is the moment I will look back upon doing a 180° turn. Hopefully not with regret but we’ll have to see about that. You see, you only live once and you have to grab the moments when they come. So I changed my mind and said yes to the Arts Theatre’s idea to do a show based around my songs. So that’s it then… here’s what I’ve come up with:
I thought I’d do the evening with a theme based on the history of a relationship between two lovers, and I’ve worked out an order of songs that would fit the story. I then had the idea of asking Natalie [an ex of mine who has a very good voice] if she might like to be in it aswell, to put the female’s perspective… It took a few minutes to realize what a crazy idea that was… A girl who I was once madly in love with, who I haven’t seen for a while, in a show onstage with me, about the nightmarish history we shared as lovers? I’d be asking the girl I wrote most of my songs about to be in a show about me writing lots of songs about her. It’s all too surreal. And what would her husband say [let alone my partner]? The whole thing has become a mental nightmare and I’ve decided that it probably isn’t the best way to go. It would be like hanging all your dirty washing out in public. If I’m still to do a show of some sort, I’ll have to think of something else.
Just realised the irony of what I’m doing in the video. I knew it was all a bad idea.
This is the moment I will look back upon doing a 180° turn. Hopefully not with regret but we’ll have to see about that. You see, you only live once and you have to grab the moments when they come. So I changed my mind and said yes to the Arts Theatre’s idea to do a show based around my songs. So that’s it then… here’s what I’ve come up with:
I thought I’d do the evening with a theme based on the history of a relationship between two lovers, and I’ve worked out an order of songs that would fit the story. I then had the idea of asking Natalie [an ex of mine who has a very good voice] if she might like to be in it aswell, to put the female’s perspective… It took a few minutes to realize what a crazy idea that was… A girl who I was once madly in love with, who I haven’t seen for a while, in a show onstage with me, about the nightmarish history we shared as lovers? I’d be asking the girl I wrote most of my songs about to be in a show about me writing lots of songs about her. It’s all too surreal. And what would her husband say [let alone my partner]? The whole thing has become a mental nightmare and I’ve decided that it probably isn’t the best way to go. It would be like hanging all your dirty washing out in public. If I’m still to do a show of some sort, I’ll have to think of something else.
Just realised the irony of what I’m doing in the video. I knew it was all a bad idea.
Thanks but no thanks
Went for a bit of a haircut. It’s still a terrifying experience even now, wondering what’s it’s going to do for you, followed by the disappointment that you haven’t come out of the salon looking like Johnny Depp…
Pondered the call from the Arts Theatre - about doing some sort of show based on my music, and I’ve decided against it. Definitely not going to do it. I just don’t see who would buy a ticket - it’s hard enough filling a small room for a one-off gig. The Arts Theatre holds 340 people. For 2 weeks. That’s about 5000 seats. No way. They said they’d help with the marketing, but it’s a ridiculous idea. I’ve got a lot to be doing. I’m not into music like I was. I said thanks but no thanks. Huge relief. Thank god that’s over.
By the way, I’ve decided to start renaming my video podcasts as episode numbers, due to the episodic direction my life seems to take.
Pondered the call from the Arts Theatre - about doing some sort of show based on my music, and I’ve decided against it. Definitely not going to do it. I just don’t see who would buy a ticket - it’s hard enough filling a small room for a one-off gig. The Arts Theatre holds 340 people. For 2 weeks. That’s about 5000 seats. No way. They said they’d help with the marketing, but it’s a ridiculous idea. I’ve got a lot to be doing. I’m not into music like I was. I said thanks but no thanks. Huge relief. Thank god that’s over.
By the way, I’ve decided to start renaming my video podcasts as episode numbers, due to the episodic direction my life seems to take.
Some good news for a change
Oooouch. Sore head. Didn’t sound my best on the telephone when the Arts Theatre called - they seemed to really like the gig I did with them last night, especially the bits in between all the songs, and they wondered how I’d feel about coming up with a sort of big gig, on the main stage, for 2 weeks in April/May? They said it could be about anything I liked to do with the songs.
I wasn’t sure when they first mentioned it, but over the last hour I must admit I’m quite tempted. They suggested calling it ‘The Lenny Smallman Show’. I could do a big gig with a few musician friends, and maybe some chat in-between as to how the songs came about. The trouble is - not many people will have heard of Lenny Smallman, so how do I sell tickets? Have to work that one out. I’m sure it’s only because the Arts Theatre has had something else drop out. It’s quite a daunting prospect but you have to take your chances in life…
I said I’d call them back in a day or two after deciding what to do… They said fine - but they’d need a decision quickly…. Hmmmnnnnn…………….
I wasn’t sure when they first mentioned it, but over the last hour I must admit I’m quite tempted. They suggested calling it ‘The Lenny Smallman Show’. I could do a big gig with a few musician friends, and maybe some chat in-between as to how the songs came about. The trouble is - not many people will have heard of Lenny Smallman, so how do I sell tickets? Have to work that one out. I’m sure it’s only because the Arts Theatre has had something else drop out. It’s quite a daunting prospect but you have to take your chances in life…
I said I’d call them back in a day or two after deciding what to do… They said fine - but they’d need a decision quickly…. Hmmmnnnnn…………….
Really, really pissed off now
And the sodding passport comes today… still too late, because when I phoned to see if the job was still there, they told me they’ve got someone else.
I’ve probably said enough on the podcast so I’m leaving it there. Watch that if you want any more. Pissed off. Very unhappy.
I’ve probably said enough on the podcast so I’m leaving it there. Watch that if you want any more. Pissed off. Very unhappy.
Really pissed off
Don’t feel much like writing this today. Just been offered a job on a film as a singer with guitar, who is singing songs in a bar for a couple of episodes for a new American TV show for HBO, filming in Prague… good money, few days work, flying out there tomorrow. Brilliant. Very, very excited…………………….
……………………….. until realising that the new passport hasn’t arrived yet and the old one was of course sent off with the renewal application form last week… So I have to turn the job down because I haven’t got a passport… How pathetic does that sound?
……………………….. until realising that the new passport hasn’t arrived yet and the old one was of course sent off with the renewal application form last week… So I have to turn the job down because I haven’t got a passport… How pathetic does that sound?
Falling in love with a slug
Wandering into the kitchen early this morning, I was slightly disturbed to find a piece of cold spaghetti under my bare foot, on the floor near to the sink. On further inspection I then realised that, rather than spaghetti, it was a slug that had slithered in out of the rain…
Booked a couple more gigs at the Arts Theatre upstairs. Good chance to polish up some more of the old songs.
This is where I say I’ve just found the tape of a song I wrote several years about waking up in the night and treading on a slug. But of course that didn’t happen. I would have had to fall in love with the slug first and then written a song about treading on it. However I did find a tape in the old box about someone who I didn’t treat very well… called The Cat That Drops The Bird, and I might try doing something with it - see if I can update it and make it work.
Booked a couple more gigs at the Arts Theatre upstairs. Good chance to polish up some more of the old songs.
This is where I say I’ve just found the tape of a song I wrote several years about waking up in the night and treading on a slug. But of course that didn’t happen. I would have had to fall in love with the slug first and then written a song about treading on it. However I did find a tape in the old box about someone who I didn’t treat very well… called The Cat That Drops The Bird, and I might try doing something with it - see if I can update it and make it work.
The effect of rain on slides
Took Stanley out for the afternoon. Went on a big Astroglide, like there always used to be at fairs when I was a kid. You sit on a mat and slide down the long bumpy slope. It was raining and it struck me as odd that rain makes all surfaces slippy, except for slides, on which it has completely the opposite effect…
Things you shouldn’t laugh at: There was a maze in the gardens with hedges you could see over, the aim being to make your way from the entrance into the little walled garden in the middle. A family comes in, the young kids running excitedly down the pathways. One of the kids falls over onto his knees and starts crying, as his mum and dad, in another part of the maze, try to find their way over to him but keep hitting dead ends. The kid was fine – he was just making a noise. It became like some bad comedy, with the parents dashing up and down the hedges getting furious with each other for not being able to reach their upset child.
Things you shouldn’t laugh at: There was a maze in the gardens with hedges you could see over, the aim being to make your way from the entrance into the little walled garden in the middle. A family comes in, the young kids running excitedly down the pathways. One of the kids falls over onto his knees and starts crying, as his mum and dad, in another part of the maze, try to find their way over to him but keep hitting dead ends. The kid was fine – he was just making a noise. It became like some bad comedy, with the parents dashing up and down the hedges getting furious with each other for not being able to reach their upset child.
Not quite right, exactly
Had a phone call. The tv theme I was working on a couple of weeks ago is ‘Not quite right, exactly.’…
When the time comes they might give me another chance at it… How very kind.
Always hard, having your babies rejected. It involves a several minutes of embarrassed, personal mourning whilst pretending to the world that everything is fine.
When the time comes they might give me another chance at it… How very kind.
Always hard, having your babies rejected. It involves a several minutes of embarrassed, personal mourning whilst pretending to the world that everything is fine.
Same conversation 5 times
Spent the day trying to come up with ideas. Took the bus into town for some inspiration. A teenage girl with a very thick neck sat on the seat next to me, constantly sniffing snot back up into her nose, having exactly the same conversation on her mobile with 5 friends, one after the other. Then her mum called her and she could hardly be bothered to speak. Some other kid sat behind us playing music on his mobile. Nice journey. Makes me hanker for those youths wandering about town with a ghetto blaster on their shoulders. [Must have cost a fortune in batteries].
Anyways, she’s gonna sell her jewellery innit. Someone offered her four fifty but she said five hundred. And if she gets it all in right, she’s gonna spend it on a fakkin holiday, tickets AND spends innit.
Anyways, she’s gonna sell her jewellery innit. Someone offered her four fifty but she said five hundred. And if she gets it all in right, she’s gonna spend it on a fakkin holiday, tickets AND spends innit.
Passport form
Finally filled in the passport form, and took it with the photos to the post office. Had to pay £7 to get everything checked, new passport should come in a week or so. Has to be one of the most complicated forms of all time. What it must be like if you’re an asylum seeker and English isn’t your first language… Just the sheer determination to fill in the form deserves respect. Only been on my list of things to do for the past 10 months. Always an exciting prospect - the chance of travel to some far-off places. Do they still stamp your book when you arrive in a new country? Only really went to France and Spain on the last one - they weren’t remotely interested in stamping. Although I was once coming back from Calais I was stood in the perfect position to see a middle-eastern woman wearing a veil across her face, remove it briefly for the customs officer - and she was unutterably beautiful. More so because I felt I had glimpsed something secret, that I wasn’t allowed to see. Incredible how the face, once it is forbidden to be seen, becomes extraordinarily erotic…
Still thinking about that American girl
On the tube again today going to Shepherds Bush. Walked through the streets, past a few of the old haunts. I couldn’t stop thinking about the American girl I was remembering a couple of days ago. I was living in a flat in Shepherds Bush at the time, and our ghosts were still there, walking the streets, rushing through the alleyways to get back home for more sex…
I was dragged back into the real world outside the Empire [all the ghosts neatly tucked up in bed with a good book] where an old homeless guy was rummaging in a bin for something to eat. He looked up at me as I was walking past, gives me a big smile and says – “It’s all go, innit! It’s all go innit! When you get there…”
And being older now [& wiser?], I think I know where he’s coming from.
I was dragged back into the real world outside the Empire [all the ghosts neatly tucked up in bed with a good book] where an old homeless guy was rummaging in a bin for something to eat. He looked up at me as I was walking past, gives me a big smile and says – “It’s all go, innit! It’s all go innit! When you get there…”
And being older now [& wiser?], I think I know where he’s coming from.
Highs and lows
What happens…? Loved the feeling of playing those gigs. Leaves you on a high. Then today… completely pissed off, deflated. Like all these years I’ve been playing songs and the next day everything goes on as if nothing has changed. So weird… I do it because…….. why? I love it? Used to certainly. Being in a band in Sheffield, or when I was in HKH in London in my 20s, and we were seen as one of the Next Big Things… But now? I love moments about it [like when an old song still works, or listening to Gina sing one of the new songs with her amazing voice] - but it’s hardly worth all the grief. The money…? There isn’t any. It always costs more to put it on that comes in from the takings. So why then…?
One of the great mysteries I suppose.
One of the great mysteries I suppose.
Been gigging a bit
I recently decided it was time to get out there again - so I played a small acoustic gig at the Arts Theatre Upstairs, in Leicester Square the other week. Loved it. Good crowd, some new faces. Brought a couple of guests on - Simon Walters on piano and Gina Murray sang BVs and took a couple of lead vocals too. Need to do more of this. Of course I’m still humping amps up and down stairs before and after the gig. But I think it’s worth it. Good to get the songs out there again. Tried out a few new ones too. The singer-songwriter competition is also going pretty well at the same venue. Check out the pages on the left to read more about these Arts Theatre gigs I’m doing. Really getting in to it. One of these days I’ll get myself a roadie.
Also somehow managed to record over my fifteenth video podcast thing. Sorry about that.
Also somehow managed to record over my fifteenth video podcast thing. Sorry about that.
Easter
‘Easter’. Wrote it about a particular evening early on in one particular relationship. Funny discovering old songs in the songbook that you’ve kind of dismissed, and how they came about. I think it’s the most understated & erotic song I’ve ever written, but you probably wouldn’t guess that, unless you knew the references.
I really love airports
I still love airports.
I don’t fly much, so they’re not really tainted by everyday journeys. Always places of such intense emotions. Big hellos and massive goodbyes. I recalled an incident from my early 20s after enjoying a magical 4 week relationship with a sweet American girl I’d met in the States. Two weeks later she came to stay with me for a fortnight. The day she left was the morning of my 24th birthday. We said our passionate goodbyes at Gatwick, anticipating our next time together as soon as we could possibly fix it up. Money was very tight and we were afraid we’d find it difficult to afford it - but we said we’d find a way. As soon as possible, we’d find a way… So we phoned and sent delightful letters to each other for the next 3 or 4 months, then decided it was mad to try and keep the relationship going like this… Never saw her again.
And I just found a book she gave me for my birthday present, the day she left, with an inscription on the inside cover…
Weird, having a relationship that just stops like that, for no valid reason other than geography. And the potential mess that could happen if you were to meet again years later…
I don’t fly much, so they’re not really tainted by everyday journeys. Always places of such intense emotions. Big hellos and massive goodbyes. I recalled an incident from my early 20s after enjoying a magical 4 week relationship with a sweet American girl I’d met in the States. Two weeks later she came to stay with me for a fortnight. The day she left was the morning of my 24th birthday. We said our passionate goodbyes at Gatwick, anticipating our next time together as soon as we could possibly fix it up. Money was very tight and we were afraid we’d find it difficult to afford it - but we said we’d find a way. As soon as possible, we’d find a way… So we phoned and sent delightful letters to each other for the next 3 or 4 months, then decided it was mad to try and keep the relationship going like this… Never saw her again.
And I just found a book she gave me for my birthday present, the day she left, with an inscription on the inside cover…
Weird, having a relationship that just stops like that, for no valid reason other than geography. And the potential mess that could happen if you were to meet again years later…
An apology
Firstly an apology to the clever people who write operating manuals that I slandered late last night.
Secondly - finished the track I was working on… called “Twisted”
Feelings leave me cold
I loved you and then grew old
I lost you and this is how it ends
I wasted my happiness resisted
life just leaves you twisted
life just leaves
and out of the blue comes a chance to come through
comes your last chance
it comes
then it’s gone…
Lenny x
Secondly - finished the track I was working on… called “Twisted”
Feelings leave me cold
I loved you and then grew old
I lost you and this is how it ends
I wasted my happiness resisted
life just leaves you twisted
life just leaves
and out of the blue comes a chance to come through
comes your last chance
it comes
then it’s gone…
Lenny x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)